mondays should just be called national damage control day
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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