i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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