At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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