Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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