We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
