Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
