Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
