I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
