Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
