Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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