You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
