pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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