look no pants
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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