I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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