community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
