Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
