What a fucking waste of an outfit
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
