I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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