So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
