She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
