every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
