I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You made out with two different species that night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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