It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
