"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
