She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's just like the Real World with babies
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
