Having a random hookup so left but love u
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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