I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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