i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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