Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize