this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This is my gift to your gina
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
