did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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