my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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