I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
