I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
