I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
