Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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