Yo dont text me then not text me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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