I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
wow bdsm is so cute
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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