Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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