Sponge bath it is.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
