Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
