you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
