I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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