I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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