Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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