pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
