perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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