Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am one with the molecules
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
