I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
