That's when you crack a 10am beer
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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