are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
