so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
