Where is the hickey?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
