A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
