Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
ok first of all what the fuck
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
