You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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