He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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