I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
