what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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