I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
