i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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