I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
