Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
