Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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