i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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