5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
