All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
