Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
