I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
