how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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