I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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