Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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